Laying Groundwork

Week 7 Ecology Class with Kelly in the GrandMesa. (August 2nd- August 7th)

The seeds are always with us wherever we are, but we are never where we are, but always heading elsewhere to escape that feeling of never being where we are. We are never home… So first we have to stop drifting away from what home really means and learn to be indigenously at home right in the lost place where we have drifted to and try to reseed and re flower with culture and food plants, the odd, alienated condition of the present.

The Unlikely Peace at Cuchumaquic: The Parallel Lives of People as Plants: Keeping the Seeds Alive, Martin Prechtel

Days leading up to the Grand Mesa trip I started implementing a grounding practice to help me feel more in my body and present. The practice is me reciting to myself whatever I am doing. For example when I am brushing my teeth I will say to myself, “I am brushing my teeth, I am brushing my teeth, I am brushing my teeth”. When I am biking to the field I will say, “I am on my bike, I am riding my bike, I here riding my bike”. Writing the practice out seems a little silly or simplistic but it helps me find where my feet are in the moment and not go far into the past or future. I am practicing finding home within myself no matter where I am. I want to be where my feet are not worrying/ grieving/trying to control the future or past but to be home within the seeds of myself. I want to approach my life/ my everyday with courtesy/ceremony/slowness; an acceptance/serenity of the place that I am/we are in.

I am very grateful to have the support to take the time away from the farm to attend this course. I hope to find meaningful connection to place, plants, and self through this time. I hope to dive into questions pertaining to land, food, and education; specifically deepening my understanding of how farming (even small scale farms) perpetuate ideologies that reproduce racial capitalism; and how the practice of wild tending and engaging in the pluraliverse help alleviate these tensions. I hope to spend time in the present moment undistracted from the loose ends/ things that need to be done when I get back. I hope to sleep and eat well, laugh, find joy, hope, and be with things unknown.

From August 2nd to August 7th I will be in the Grand Mesa attending an ecology course instructed and organized by Kelly Moody. (some important context; Groundwork facilitates field courses on Human-Landscape Relationships, Ecology, and Ethnobotany. These courses are meant to develop skills to read the landscape, experience the ecology of the Rockies and Western slopes by exploring different bioregions, study the enthobotany and ethnohistory of the Western Slope and how the past and present history impacts our relationship to the Land and to learn practices of place-making to understand ourselves in relation to our place and how we are apart of our local ecologies. This program is packed full of interesting and engaging teaching that hopefully draw diverse and excited students; however not enough people signed up through Groundwork for Kelly’s Grand Mesa course so Jeff made the decision to cancel the course. This was heartbreaking to Kelly but she decided to pivot and organize the program on her own without the infrastructure Groundwork provides. In an email Kelly sent she recognized that, “Because of the pivot, we will need to work together to make a good camp up there in the high country so we all can meet our needs and learn together… I will need folks coming to bring food to contribute… if you have a camp stove, bring it with fuel, just in case… A cutting board and knife for processing herbs, mushrooms and prepping food would be helpful…bring own first aid kit, but I will also be brining one with some herbal additions….bring a tarp and paracord, it will be helpful for camp” For the program to be successful and run smoothly it will take a community effort, each member will have to contribute non monetary skills/resources for it to work; I believe this precursor to the course made for a really sweet, reliable, and conscientious community even before we all met). People floated in and out of the course but the average number of people that occupied camp was about 10; there were even 10 goats and 3 dogs with us. We got to drink fresh goat’s milk, cheese, and kefir. I learned goats are similar to toddlers and will put anything in their mouth and are very resilient eating poisonous plants. We mainly cooked on the fire, roasted beef ribs, peach cobbler, boiled rabbit stew, stir-fried vegetables, shared stories, dreams, wonderings and fears, held new ideas and old rememberings, and listened to the quiet murmurs of gentle expanding all while watching the bright coals light up our eyes. We planted Yampa and Biscuit Roots seeds in cracks in the ground within Elk Valley. We will not water or weed around these seeds, I will probably never see what will bloom from these seeds but they will grow regardless and spread their seeds along the landscape. On the day we hiked twelve miles, with all the goats and dogs, we spend a lot of time discussing and imagining how this landscape would have looked if people were still wild tending to the land for food and if there were still Grizzlys, Elks, and other large mammals on the land instead of cows? What bushes would you prune or weigh down so they can expand their roots, how would digging up roots change the growth patterns They will they will I held Camas seeds.

“I want to feel home in the moment. I want to feel comfortable in the process. I want to be grateful I am not in control. I want to be. I want to become. I want to be delightfully surprised by the unfolding. I am so excited to go up to the Grand Mesa and spend time there away from the farm. I can feel the relief of being up there. held by the land, the “wild”. I’m excited to leave this urgent place and practice being the wind, grass, and stars. to notice and be and become”

Part of my journal entry from 8/2

Pre course assigned reading and video

• https://www.williamcronon.net/writing/Trouble_with_Wilderness_Main.html
•  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbVNrprs4KM

Ecology Discussions

Readings that led discussions

• Introduction to “Tending the Wild” by M. Kat Anderson
• Intro to “Canyon Gardens: The Ancient Pueblo Landscapes of the Southwest” by V.B. Price and Baker H. Morrow
• Real Bear Closing the Backbone of the world from “True Grizz/ The Landscape of Home: A Rocky Mountain Reader”
• Armaments from Another Era – From “Ghosts of Evolution” by Connie Barlow
• The Religious Roots of the Wilderness Act from “Religion and Politics” by Michael Schulson
• “Environment and Ecology of the Colorado River Basin Rockies Report Card 2012” by Natalie Triedman
• “Changing Perceptions of Change: The Role of Scientists in Tamarix and River Management” by Matt Chew

Reflections/ Wonderings/Unsettling

Our discussions were held in a circle under our makeshift tarp shelter. Some people sat on their sheep hides, while others sat on their willow mats, and I sat on the yoga blocks I brought. Caroline attended from Utah, Katie flew in from British Columbia, Bo and Maddie live in ridge wood but were in paonia for a bit (Maddie is a rancher, she brought her goats and has a camel, zebra, and horses at her place. Bo and Maddie have participated in many primitive skills gathering workshops and courses and had a lot of knowledge and handmade gear to share/show), Anna and Michael semi grew up in Paonia ( the also brought their two goats and butcher two of their meat rabbits, and a few years younger than me), Groundwork fellow Marion who has been in Paonia since April and is from Chicago, and Kelly the lead organizer grew up in a farm family in Southern Virginia and has studied herbalism, philosophy and religion, land tending, and botany. Together we discussed the nuance within conservation, biodiversity, grazing, human and non human disturbances and the roles native and non native plants play.

• There is a rhetoric in American conservation that in order to protect and conserve wild nature humans must be removed from the land to not make an impact. But this rhetoric is harmful to the Land and beings. If we don’t belong to land/ cannot make an impact, how can we make an impact/belong to ourselves? (stuck in a loop of not feeling home on the land or within self not feeling enough/grounded) If we are told we must observe nature only to admire it/ to not fully be part of it, how can we develop a relationship with the land and ourselves?

“California Indians believe that when humans are gone from an area long enough, they lose the practical knowledge about correct interaction, and the plants and animals retreat spiritually from the earth or hide from humans. When intimate interactions ceases, the continuity of knowledge, passed down through generation, is broken, and the land becomes ‘wilderness’

Tending to the Wild, M Kat Anderson, pg 4

• Disturbances are not always harmful to the environment; disturbances can create the right conditions for growth. There are cultivated and wild plants that need/want human and non humans to enter into a reciprocal relationship.from disturbances comes rebirth/death/expansion/care. How do we define what are appropriate disturbances for an ecosystem? What does permission feel and sound like? What does consent to develop/disturb Land feel and sound like?

Grizz scarify and disturb countless acres this way in the short run. Over time, they end up fashioning richer, more varied plant communities. Raking and plowing swarths across a landscape, the bear loose countless seeds and spread them around. They also plant them in improved soil, because all that excavating brings scare nitrogen from lower ground levels to the surface, the result farmers seek when they till their fields, This fertilizing effect causes vegetation such as glacier lilies and spring beauties to grow more vigorously and produce more seeds than they do in undisturbed sites

Real Bear Closing the Backbone of the world from “True Grizz/ The Landscape of Home: A Rocky Mountain Reader”

“Perhaps the chief lesson Ancestral Puebloan builders have to teach us it’s possible to design with nature, while at the same time altering natural flows and energing landscapes to better serve human needs. Ancestral Puebloans were not “” nor “environmentalists” in that romantic sense we have come to associate with those words. They were pragmatists, in life and death struggle with natural forces, who experimented with and refined an array of agricultural and .. forms that allowed them to survive and culturally flourish”

Intro to Canyon Gardens: The Ancient Pueblo Landscapes of the Southwest” by V.B. Price and Baker H. Morrow

• How do we sit/face the harm western culture has created in landscapes in order to change and become different? how does this start with individuals and how they carry their own shame? how do we have strong boundaries and open hearts?
• From the podcasts and readings we have been in conversation with Martin Prechtel Say hello and mean it. Acknowledge human and non humans around you take responsibility to know and be seen. Even the non pristine wilderness/ the tree on your sidewalk encased in cement deserve a hello.
• I have gotten to understand that the Land holds me when I smell flowers, listen to the birds, frogs, and coyotes, and taste fresh veggies I’ve tended to or wild takes my mind off the pain, discomfort, and absurdity within and out of my world. what a gift. how/in what ways can I reciprocate this act of healing/holding?
• When communities pool their resources together everyone can eat. Overpopulation should not be a reason/excuse as to why we cannot wild tend or garden. and not everyone has to grow tomatoes.
• Why is getting to know the plants/land in the city less than the Grand Mesa?
• Is biodiversity “good”? On what spacial and temporal scale are we measuring? biodiversity is hard to quantify, track globally over time, and creates a picture/imagination of what a “healthy” “non healthy” environment looks like.
• Native and invasive. invasive species scape goat. we live in a world of nuance and plants/nature is not excluded from that. something is non native but well adapted and a food source why remove them/disconnect them from the environment?

(insert quote from Changing Perceptions of Change)

• Overgrazing vs under browsing– camels vs cattle

(insert quote Changing Perceptions of Change)

• How do ecosystems work outside of the lenses that we impose/hold?
• I have learned more about the nuances of plants, how different people can call the same plant different things- I feel this is an invitation to understand the different realities that can exist in the same world.
• Creating own names for plants to call them something

Tourist Test

Sit Spot Practice

A sit spot practice can happen anywhere you can sit outside to notice what is occurring outside of you and within you. When you sit quietly in a space outside, often nonhuman creatures will take up the space with you and allow you to notice them.

On our last day Kelly organized intentional time to a practice a sit spot. Kelly told us to walk off in the distance and sit down somewhere no one else from the group would see you/ be seen. Then to sit there for about 20-40 mins breathing, staying still, noticing what you see, wonder, feel until she calls us back.

• I notice the orange and black cows. I wonder how far they have roamed. I wonder what their summer has been like? if there has been any loss
• I notice the road. I wonder how the landscape was before the road before the reservoir
• I notice the wind tickling my skin, I notice my wet feet from walking in the tall grass, I notice the ants crawling on my ankles and between my toes.
• I notice the birds flying between trees. I wonder what they are collecting. I wonder what it feels like to fly and play
• I notice the small spruce trees. I wonder how they will grow and who will collect their fallen limbs
• I wonder if these cows are part of the same herd
• I notice it is more rocky and less grassy here. I wonder if I can find any huckleberries here
• I notice the sound the cows make as they move through the grass. the crunching
• I am starting to get annoyed by the ants, I wish I wore socks
• I wonder when I am going to be able to sit in the quiet like this again? I notice this unknown has started to settle in my chest near my throat. I wonder where I’ll go who Ill cross paths with. I wonder if a part of me will feel like its missing. I feel grief leaving Olympia- the forrest, the moss, the lichen. I feel like I didn’t say goodbye that I didn’t get to go to graduation makes it feel open. Of course I said my goodbyes, I left offerings, poems, and a part of myself there but I also left in the middle of spring quarter. I left weeks before graduation.
• I notice an organic and black Butterly on the tall yellow flowers. I wonder what it was before it transformed
• I notice feathery leaves carrot like, I wonder if it is biscuit root
• I wonder how my edges, angles, and ridges feel to the ants.
• I wonder when the dogs will chase the cows.
• I wonder if I missed the call to come back
• I notice a frog croak. makes me think of Jamen. I wonder if all will go well. I wonder if he bought his plane ticket
• I wonder of the unknown and unimaginable
• I wonder if that is the sound to comeback
• I noticed a grey and white bird like if a robin was that color

For me this sit spot activity stirred up a lot of feelings about going home to a loud, densely populated, and disconnected city. A lot of fear of feeling overwhelmed/unable to live there anymore; a place I used to think I would always feel at home. But I do see the gifts/opportunities of going back home. I am excited to uncover the places I can find new and known plant friends, mutual aid groups, and urban farms/gardens. Unknown of what my next steps are. unknown of how to more than survive an ecological collapse. feeling overwhelmed with how far western culture/society has removed ourselves from the land and how can.// feeling the answers are right in front of us just unable to see them.

Willow Medicine Making, Osha Root Harvest, Dog Bane Cordage, and Fishing

(leaving 1st catch).,

12 mile hike, setting up tarp shelter,

What does it takes to create community; What have I learned from the other fellows at Groundwork?

I have learned so much from the fellows as they have been role models embodying how to be a good/committed community member and take care of themselves in the practice.

Belen

Belen has taught me to meet people where they are at, “it is just where they are at”. Belen has also modeled how to move theory into practice.

Marion

Marion has shown me that there is no problem that cannot be solved. Brainstorm in community to find/create creative and unimaginable solutions, and ask for help when you need support. Stay organized, find the threads that connect, create a more liberated and inclusive world. Make time to read and listen to people you want to be in conversation with. Ask thoughtful and meaningful questions. I am appreciative/grateful to have learned how to show up/commit and followthrough for community and self from Marion.

Sophie

Sophie is incredibly generous and kind. She not only shows me what kind of people I want to be in community with it how I want to be in a community. Sophie has shown me how easy and important it is to laugh and giggle, to find the joy that is within your reach. She is caring, thoughtful, and adventurous; modeling how you can nurture peoples needs while gently encouraging them to expand their comfort zone. I am grateful to have learned many gifts from Sophie

Week 6 Crafternoon, August 1st

We continued to work on our basket weaving. I had to add two more supports into my basket because as I was weaving my basket was shifting and getting wider.

Week 6 Seminar , July 31st

Listen to Martín Prechtel’s lecture series, “Please, Come Sit By My Fire” starting with his April episode, “Hello”.

Read The Unlikely Peace at Cuchumaquic, chapter “Our Ancient Seed Jar”

The seeds are here with us wherever we are, but we are never where we are, but always heading elsewhere to escape that feeling of never being where we are. We are never at home. To find our seeds to plant new culture, we have to find a way to be quiet and feel welcome at home on earth. When we can find ways of being at home, our ancient seeds will be there with us and will have a place to resprout.

Prechtel, The Unlikely Peace at Cuchumaquic, pg 310

Week 6 Farmers Market, July 30th

Harvesting in the morning was peaceful, easy going and full of new vegetables like shishito peppers, eggplant, and tomatoes. I started the morning with Marion in the high tunnel harvesting basil. The lovely aroma filled all around us and we were immersed into the osmocosm twirling with joy, intimacy, and awe. I then harvested bright lime green Shishito Peppers as well as some beautiful yellow, red, and deep purple tomatoes. Plucking the Shishito peppers from their resting/growing place/home took a gentle hand, as if I pulled too hard I would accidentally pull off a branch of the bush along with the pepper. I really enjoyed noticing the different ways the peppers grew and the slender wrinkled shape they take on and grow into. Before this I was unfamiliar with Shishito peppers but was pleasantly surprised by my delight when we had fried them for lunch last week. Harvesting the tomatoes was fun as I plucked them from the vine trying to keep their crown in tack. The smell and green residue left on my hands from the tomatoes holds a special place in my heart. Belen was so excited and joyful while harvesting the tomatoes, it was quite contagious.

Belen and I worked the Arbol Farmers Market last night from 5-8pm. It was a good time full of music, song, play, vegetables, and pleasant conversations. Since Forrest’s family was in town this week, Belen and I were mostly managing the market stand; which was a nice challenge and display of what we have learned this season.

We started to load the truck for market around 3 pm

• Basil, $3 for . x
• Celtus/Stem Lettuce, $1-2 one stalk
• Cherry Tomatoes, $7 1lb bag
• Cilantro, $3 x ounce bunch
• Eggplant, $8/lb
• Tomatillo, $5 1lb bag
• Cucumbers, $3/lb
• Green Onions, $5 x ounce bunch
• Kale $5 1.25 bunch
• Leeks, $4 for x weight bunch
• Parsley, $3 for x weight bunch
• Shishito Peppers, $5 for 1lb bag
• Swiss Chard, $5

Eggplant, beets, cucumber, basil, and hot sauce all sold pretty well last night. We didn’t encourage too much trouble

Week 6 Harvest, July 29th

I had a difficult time falling asleep last night; my sleeping pad was too firm and inflated, my pillow wasn’t sitting right, and I couldn’t hear the river’s song anymore. After a night of mediocre sleep I awoke to a cold and windy morning.

In the field it was time to harvest for market. In the morning we found out that Farm Runner’s hadn’t put in any orders from us and this was a little discouraging. Later on in the week, to our understanding, FR has not been ordering from us because they have contracts with other farms for vegetables leaving us with less market to sell.

In the early evening I got my second haircut from Sophie

Summer Mid Quarter Evaluation

What if the grand loss experienced this summer with the grasshoppers is a gift? Perhaps we cannot comprehend the wonderful unfolding that can occur from this massive challenge. What if we find out grasshopper poop in this mass quantity is a magical soil amendment or something so far beyond our comprehension and imagination that helps aid the creation of new worlds? What if the challenges, disappointment, and grief I have experienced in the Groundwork summer fellowship are gifts? A love letter to accepting and surrendering to what is, what is becoming, and the process of it all, with the messiness, contradictions, and nuance.  

Coming to Groundwork, I had expectations and desires that this fellowship would be a place for ease, reflection, connection, mourning, and expanding. While some of that has been possible, the framework in place to help aid these processes, the crafternoons and seminars, have been to me unfulfilling, rushed, and severed from the work we have been carrying out on the farm. This initial disappointment was heartbreaking to me; I felt disempowered and detached from the internal landscapes of myself and the external landscapes of the mountains, fields, rivers, and sky. I felt an overwhelming disconnection from myself, the land, the food, and my education. I was hurt and confused that these feelings could arise as I slept, bathed, and ate next to a river, while I worked and learned outside, while I was surrounded by the seeds of creation. But I moved with grief, doubt, and frustration. But after letting myself be held by the land I broke though the haze of disappointment and accepted my responsibility in the shaping of my experience and the weaving of stands of myself into the soil. I have learned and remembered the creation of the real, possible, and worldbuilding begins with me and the shaping I do in my own reality no matter what I observe, feel, taste, touch. I can imagine beyond what I observe; imagine beyond my reality and the physical manifestations I am interacting with. To believe in what I cannot see, taste, and touch. I have learned to embody the unconditional belief that a new world is being birthed no matter what I am experiencing. The seeds of creation are within and around us and I must create the conditions for the expansion and growth within my heart and being. Groundwork fellowship has engaged in the praxis of trying to create some part of a pluriverse and tending to the needed cultural and value shifts. I have learned it is messy, difficult, and rewarding to move in community while attempting to hold many different realities and ways of knowing; and simultaneously reproducing and upholding ways of being/thinking that reinforce narrow binaries and histories/stories that this is what is has always been and always will be. Cultivating community, belonging, and purpose takes courage, vulnerability, dreaming, playfulness and an unwavering belief of the possible. I have learned to share my sorrows and dreams, to hold the uncertainty and still feel grounded in self. I have learned farming is control, disruption, and separation as well as a life, death, and bridge between worlds. I hope in the next five weeks I can do a lot of reflecting and holding myself to actions and thoughts that serve me, the land, food, and education. As my time with Groundwork comes to an end, I want to invite and sit with the many uncertainties and see what can bloom from possibilities I cannot comprehend. I want to acknowledge the worlds that are unfolding right before my eyes and become what I want to see, feel, taste, touch, think, imagine, and be in the worlds. I want to be apart of this unfolding, dying, and becoming.  

Week 5 Crafternoon, July 25th

Willow Basket Weaving

I have lots of appreciation for Marion, Sophie, and Jenna who harvested this willow in the late winter for us to use in the summer. I am also appreciative to the river who helped soften the willow and to the willow itself.

There is a blanket of heat today; heavy, thick, and uninspiring. But toady we weave willow baskets; we twist, apply pressure, and bend. I want to take on/embody the flexibility , strength, and unity that the basket holds, creates, and flows into.

The willow was soaked in the river for a week before we planned to weave. The branches took on the mucky smell of the river; the scent of decaying vegetation, slightly sweet algae, and earthy aroma of the muck.

The first step to making the baskets was to wrap five willow branches around a circular tool called the willow tamer to encourage their shape. Once we rounded the willow rods we then made three approx. 10 inch circles and two approx. 8 inch circles. The next step was to have a friend grab all the circles together at the same spot with the two smaller circles on the outside with the three larger circles in the center with even spacing between them; this will create the foundational shape of the basket. While a friend holds the 5 willow circles you start to wrap another willow branch around to create a handle. Before getting to the end of the branch, approximately 12 inches, start to weave the branch over and under the 5 circles; this will be the start of the weaving process. Once you finish a weaving a branch, you add another branch into the pattern continuing the over- under motion.

Week 5 Seminar, July 24th

I was awoken by the rustle of my tent walls and the glow of the warm morning light. I walked the dirt pathway from my tent to the common house and on the way stopped to give gratitude to Mt Lamborn who watches us down in the valley. I couldn’t eat another bowl of semi plain oatmeal this morning so I opted to eat the 3 hard boiled eggs in the fridge left over from the lunch I made on Monday. I got situated on the couch with the other fellows just as Forrest sat down to lead our Wednesday morning logistical meeting. We discussed weekend plans as Mountain Fair, a music and art fair in Carbondale, CO is happening where Groundwork will be one of the vendors selling willow baskets, fermented hot sauces, hides, and fabric eco prints. Forrest will be at the fair tending the stall and so we discussed who will take on weekend chores at the farm. Forrest also shared with us that his family will be visiting him next week on the farm! During the meeting I mentioned that I will be participating in Kelly Moody’s ecology course next week from August 2nd- August 7th (which kind of hurt my head because I leave of the week after that and I feel like there is still so much to figure out). We also planned to have a meeting with Megan the assistant farm manager this afternoon to facilitate another check in/well being meeting. We then discussed how the farmers market went the evening before, Marion and Sophie noted that the market was slower than it had been and that this was possibly the last low before the big summer boom. The basil, eggplants, bell peppers, tomatillos, stem lettuce, eggs, hot sauce, kimchi, and onions sold well and cucumbers, parsley, and beets, and Swiss chard did okay. For the first time we used a sandwich board to write our inventory and prices out for customers and it worked really well for us; looking forward to continue with this practice.

After our meeting we rode our bikes to the field and did our Wednesday morning walk through on the farm during this time we practice observing the land and from that decide what tasks need to happen to help the plants grow/be successful. We started in the west field and move towards the east field. We checked on the zinnia seed crop they are started to create beautiful patterns as different flowers are crossing with each other. We saw that the melons are doing great, noticed there had been a deer in the cilantro bed, the gourds are taking off, the bitter melon has been eaten by grasshoppers, the leek are having a hard time growing with the grass hopper pressure. We checked on the arugula seed which is almost ready to harvest, the grasshoppers have eaten the mustard seeds from the inside of the seed pod (forest had never seen his before). We spoke some encouragements to the corn, happily noticed the chilies are doing their thing, and the tomatoes in the east field are really struggling. Our list looked a little like;

• Pest control in squashes (smush eggs)
• Weed beans
• Stake painted tongue flowers
• Weed cilantro
• Harvest Arugula seed
• Prep beds for fall plantings
• Weed around water melons

Once we had our list we then got right to checking the squash leaves for any stink bug eggs. The large, prickly, green leaves seem to be a great place to lay eggs until we went around squishing them. There is an odd feeling in my chest as I kill lives that would have become and eaten all our squash plants. I feel both guilty and a sense of agency holding both wrong and right actions. Then as I flip over a leaf to examine what is beneath screaming from our neighbors starts to erupt. They aren’t screaming at us but each other; I can’t quite make out exactly what is being said but there is lots of anger in the air. Forrest gives us a look and we all start to walk away from the field that is closest to them and gather under the apricot trees. We all stay silent for a little bit until someone says, “well that’s uncomfortable” and we all kind of smile and shrug our shoulders. We look to Forrest for some guidance and he gives us the rest of the morning off.

After our long lunch break it was 2:00pm, time to start our checkin/wellbeing meeting. We all sat in a circle in the living room ready to begin. Megan started the meeting with a meditation intended to connected us to our bodies and minds. We rested there for a little while and then Megan handed out printed sheets of an emotions wheel as well as a list of 7 fundamental needs. She instructed us to reflect on these sheets and if we were comfortable share what we were feeling and how our needs connect to the emotion. (insert picture of the notes board during meeting). The meeting was only intended to go till 3:00pm so that we would still have time to facilitate a seminar but it extended till 5:00pm. The seminar would have focused on Martín Prechtel’s The Unlikely Peace at Cuchumaquic. We weren’t interested to read any material before hand as Martin advocates that his work is read out loud in groups.

After the meeting I went into the woods to decompress and journal about what I was feeling. I started to reflect on something Forest had said in the meeting, that somedays he hates farming but others he loves it and when there are bad days he keeps continuing to show up because the days he doesn’t hate are lovely beautiful days. This led me to reflect and articulate why I continue to show up when I’ve been having a really hard time this summer; I continue to show up because tending to the land in the way of farming are birth giving/ life producing and death(loss) producing days. I am able to listen to the birds, be held by the land, embody the stories of camas and yarrow, feel the rain, the starts, and the sky, listen to loved ones, smell, taste, trust, and share life giving gifts. The cycle of life, the changing, becoming, and dying is all around me and it dawned on me that it is up to me to shape how I feel about the work, not the fellowship program. The program should/can be a tool/framework but not the shaper of my connection to the with the land and food. It is my responsibility to ask does this feel good? Always ask does this feel good and what can I do to make this feel better. I am in control of my perspective, my thoughts, how I feel; not the program. And I for a bit got lost and needed to be reminded of this internal wisdom.

There is creation in death
Death in creation 
what moments have died 
what beliefs 
understandings 
ways of knowing 
pieces of self 
died to birth evolving, expanding, becoming
what has not served me?

mystery of creation
creation of feelings within self 
I know they are real 
what is real? what defines possible?
real things are what you taste, feel, and touch? expand to the non physical 
the imaginary, the unknown. 
There is no figuring it out
god is Change 

Week 5 Harvest Day//Farmers Market , July 23rd

This morning this is a thick haze covering the view of Mount Lamborn and itching my nose. This makes for a cooler morning and afternoon but makes me think what is becoming the new normal. Today was a sunny high of 95 degrees F with a nighttime low of 62 degrees F. This morning before harvest Forrest read us a Mary Oliver poem titled Pink Moon- The Pond in the greenhouse. My favorite verse from the poem was, “you will live whether you will or not, one way or another, because everything is everything else, one long muscle”. helped me put qualms of the work into perspective.

Belen and I had the market off this week and decided to spend the day walking around streets in town we have never been down, got diner at Nido, the most delicious restaurant in town (who we sell veggies to!), and in the evening spent time in the high tunnel talking to the tomatoes. Paonia is beautiful; we spent time smelling flowers, looking at the intricate houses, and talking about our experiences and what we can do to make these last couple of weeks joyful and satisfying. (perhaps focusing on one plant for the week/creating a more intimate relationship with the foods we are growing, we talked more about how the program could benefit from positioning our identities within the work we are doing

Week 5 Harvest, July 22nd

July 22nd a daytime high of 89 degrees f with a nighttime low of 59. I’ve been enjoying this nighttime weather, sleeping outside of my sleeping bag just with my blankets allows me to move and spread out without being constricted by the tube of the sleep sack. I wake up at 6:20 and set my timer for another 15 mins. I look up at my tent and see a large dead grasshopper laying on the screened portion of my tent. I hinge at my hips and sit up, as I start to move I feel immense pressure on my left eye a sty has started to form. I walk to the common house and the usual breakfast is laid out on the table for me. Quick oats, hot water in a tea pot, coconut flaks, and honey. I eat my assorted porridge, brush my teeth, fill up my water bottle, lace up my work boots, and hop on my bike riding towards the greenhouse. I lay my bike down in the grass and notice the black sticky residue left on my hands from the bike handle bars. Instead of walking to the greenhouse I notice we have started to gather in the fields. As I walk through the gate I see Belen conversing with the corn talking about how the corn has grown just above Belens head (like kids standing back to back comparing height).

I walk towards the other fellows and Forrest who is holding space for a returning to the land; we have asked this to be a ritual on Monday harvest mornings. Forrest welcomes us and starts this ritual by inviting us to take some deep breaths. I close my eyes focusing on the rising and falling of my chest, I feel the cool morning grass under my legs and am grateful for the cool windy mountain mornings. Forrest talks about life orchestrating life… and I start to tear up as he talks. I feel nourished/grounded by this opening, I feel the connection I’ve been missing, I feel grateful for the larger world that I am apart of, I feel the grief roll off my shoulders. Forrest finishes his “sermon” and we all just sit together for a few moments before getting up to start our harvest.

Todays Harvest includes a big order from farm runners.

I start with Sophie in the high tunnel harvesting chard; chard, kale. Any big leafy green we harvest in the mornings as to mitigate wilting. We have to harvest 31 half pound bunches for farm runners, and whatever is left to bring to the farmers market. This mornings the chard looks more vibrant than I remember, almost neon pinks and yellows. I am grateful to perceive them this way, grateful to these vibrant gifts. The grasshopper pressure in the high tunnel seems to have lessened since we took out the seed crop of chard it acted as an optimal neighborhood for them. Where does chard get its color? are there any creation stories associated with it? Sophie and I filled up our harvest bins and headed into the green house to soak them in water to stay crisp.

Next I harvested collards, we needed to harvest 15 half pound bunches for farm runners and 10 half pound bunches for market. The collards are also under row cover to help mitigate grasshopper damage and it seems to be working well.

At 10:00 am we took a break and I laid down in the grass under the apricot trees watching the swallows play over head as we work. I am so appreciative of the swallows. After the break I left the field to go to the house to cook lunch for everyone. The night before I let chickpeas soak.

After lunch on Monday’s we would normally go back to harvesting, but today we all had individual check ins with forrest.

Week 4 Monday July 15th// Reflection

how do we hold space for the grasshoppers? hold space for inevitable loss? hold space that this is their land too? that they aren’t eating the crops with malice against us. that they are just trying to eat. we must all eat. aren’t they part of the miracle of creation? a part to share the abundance? somehow it all works out. The grasshoppers are teaching me to grow enough to share.

where does our food come from? who planted the first seeds? whose grandmothers flesh, bones, blood, and sprit fed the land? whose tears, blood, sweat created the streams? what songs, whispers, and stories did the wind birth? how does it feel to be apart of creation? in the wrinkles..

surrender to the process. find joy in the unfolding

to open the door of life we must dance. our feet able to break the exterior shell

Week 4 Saturday July 20th // Reflection

ask the land how to find the words how to find the change

what am I learning? we do not need organizations we need community. I am learning that the grasshoppers are teaching us to share. I am learning if I am to continue agricultural work the most important thing/aspect to the work is a connection to the plants, land. Tensions between gardening and farming- scale, spirituality … I have contented to learn to not to treat plants like allies and family, to not address them just by their utility use but to see them a wholistic beings capable of a spectrum of caring/learning/being. I am noticing when I hold seeds in my hands I think of the Palestinian people, how their existence reminds me of these seeds and how I feel a sense of guilt holding a seasons worth of food in the palm of my hand while children, women, and men of die of starvation. I am learning that I

I am learning how to not numb myself; to sit with the uncertainty and unsettling moments of my life. I am learning to trust myself, to admit I am powerless and to turn to my higher power and ask for guidance. I am learningg

add what I am learning from farmers market… peoples buying habits, the organization needed, how the produce to fit a certain type. stem lettuce/peoples interested in trying new vegetables.

what am I learning from Lauren (parable of the sower and talents in this context)? to build community now, to invest in people/friends who believe in another world possible. to learn all that I can from plants, to learn to identify them and how to make medicine from them. to adapt, to have/build purpose. to not be swayed by… I am learning it is okay to be scared but to not let that stifle momentum, curiosity, and

I am learning that it is hard for me to learn in an environment that is not validating to feelings, that when I must back of my feelings with examples I feel not cared for/ listened to/ believed. I am learning that

I have learned I will not be defeated by the idea that this is always how the world has been. small everyday acts are sacred building a interconnected web that will catapult

I have learned hot central the Colorado river is to the food system (brining water to the imperial valley in CA). I have learned about dead pool/dams, reshaping/control of lands, rivers, and people.

I have watched the river by our tents slowly loose its depth/rush.– what have I learned from this?

we may destroy the wowed as we know it but the sun will rise. we must still live.

Week 3 Wednesday July 10th//Groundwork Midsummer Check In and Reflection

Usually on Wednesdays we have seminar but this Wednesday we took the time to have a mid summer check in as a group.

Today I named to the group my disconnection to the work, land, and food; it felt like opening a wound to them. It feels wrong to feel this disconnection because I am/we are inherently interconnected and intertwined with the land, time, space and food. My existence cannot be disconnected from it, I cannot be removed or feel removed from it when it is all around and within me. I guess that is why it feels funny and wrong because it is not correct/truth. I feel as though I am doing something wrong by missing the connection by not feeling held by the land, people, and food. My grandmothers bones reside in the soil, her mothers bones rest here too, and one day I will return/surrender to the land as itself. I am learning that in order for me to feel connected to the agricultural work I am pursing I must have a practice that not only embeds soil under my finger nails, but allows my nose to explore the familiar remembrance of histories, my mouth/teeth/tongue to explore the contradictions, sweet pleasures, and unusual alliances, and my spirit to entangle itself in past wrongs and new futures.

After the meeting I felt exposed and vulnerable so I went into the river and sat behind a big rock. My body was just another object that the river had to move around, creating ripples, waves, rocking me back and forth. As I got out of the water, I felt the sun dry my back and hair, I saw my foot prints mark the rocks. I am the sky, the roots, the wildflowers, I am, I am, I am. And what of the tractor? and the neat rows of beans? the defining fence posts or the row cover? how does the world see me? how do I feel as I lay down to sleep? How does it feel as I pull back the hula hoe and scrap the weeds from the land? what does it mean to feed disturbances? to be a disturbance? what does it grow? without it the thistle would not grow and neither would the corn. what does it mean to witness a dying world? dying moments? to let go. what does an ending really mean? a beginning. we may destroy the world as we know it but the sun will still rise. and in the mean time we must still live. hold the space for the uncomfortable truths, that we are not in control, there is no one conclusion, and to understand that the safety we have is a fallacy, that god is change. We create landscapes as we consume, take on worlds that we cannot see but smell and taste. (clarify the learning)

What does it mean to come from the past? To have thousands of years of existence before you? To carry legacies, traumas, and grief of the past and present lives in my veins? how do I let go of wrongs I’ve committed and the wrongs my ancestors have committed? to acknowledge the mistakes, violences, and even the best intentions that perpetrate violent, racist, sexist, and anthropocentric paradigms and make amends for my humanness?

How does it feel to be everything everywhere all at once? To be a be walking contradiction and wonder how could I be anything else? I am a shaper and I am shaped by change; by worlds existing within worlds, by many different realties all occurring at once. There is not a world or reality that holds all the truths or solutions and how do I expand to embody this truth?

I say I don’t know how I’m feeling, and I supposed a little part of that is true, but more of the truth is that I’m feeling so much at once. I feel lost within myself. I feel like everything is happening all at once and that I’m freezing/scrambled trying to dissect the path of figuring it out. (forgetting that the process is all I can do and figure it out and uncover the many different realities that can exist at once) I want to let go and live in a moment, have that moment pass and a new moment born. I feel like most of the time I don’t even know what I’m talking about like I don’t even know myself, my wants, my desires, my needs. I feel like I am a ball of knotted string and as I start to unravel the string it gets further out of my reach; or the string gets lost and tangled far too easily in the hands of others. I want to weave my own string but I am not even sure I know where it begins or ends. I want to provide myself with a warm blanket, not look to others to provide that warmth; of course they can and I do want that but I want that warmth to emulate for me first or idk I just don’t want my feelings to be regulated by others or conditions. I want to live unconditionally, free from being dictated by things/people/circumstances that I can not control. (marion read this is had an interesting insight; she said it was interesting to read that in the beginning of this post I talk about the inherent interconnection and at the end I discuss a want to live unconditionally and how there is a possible tension between the two)

How do we imagine beyond what we have deemed possible or “the way things are” how do we take root among the stars? who determines this logic and reasoning of what is possible or what can only be. How can I lean into the absurdity, the ideas of madness, death, and world making? eating is to confront death, eating/consuming is a revolutionary process of life, death, witnessing, and becoming. food and enoughness. I feel appreciative to be studying food because it gives me a sense of belonging and a sense of purpose. I love to think about the wild foods of the land how they needed no tending hand and are yet so full of vitamins and medicine. (kind of parallels McGee and the idea that smells existed before there were humans to smell them). (did wild foods exist before humans were on the land?) how do unconditional ourselves to believe

thinking about the fruit orchards, wheat fields, the coal mines. the management of the land

Week 2 Monday July 1st// Harvest

My morning started at 6am. It was an overcast wet morning, I was reminded of Olympia. I was on breakfast and made the usual oatmeal. Then at 7am we all made our way to the field. All of us were feeling low energy, this weekend we went backpacking and I do not believe we felt well rested after even though it was a fun and trusted time. We all met at the greenhouse to discuss the harvest plan. Farm Runners ordered 10 pounds of green onions, 20 half-pound bunches of collards, and 15 half-pounds of chard. The Learning Council ordered 10 pounds of kohlrabi, 6 pounds of green onions, .75 pounds of thai basil, 7 pounds of cucumbers, 3 pounds of shunkyo radishes, and 10 pounds of beets. Nido, a taco resturant in town, ordered 2 pounds of shunkyo radishes, and 2 bunches of parsley. For our CSA and farmers market we are harvesting 15 bags of lettuce, 6-8 bunches of kohlrabi, 10 bunches of green onions, collards, basil, cucumbers, chard, 10 bunches of shunkyo radishes, kale, 5 bunches of parsley, fava beans, peas, and 10 bunches of beets. After communicating what is on the harvest board we all then go out and get it done. I first harvested the Siberian Kale, most of it is under row cover, to mitigate some grass hopper damage, but alas the grasshoppers have eaten the kale anyway. Most of the Kale is salvageable except for a few leaves that have been skeletonized. I then move onto harvesting beets. On Mondays part of my community responsibilities is to cook lunch for everyone.

I started to harvest the rainbow chard. The chard is under row cover to try and protect it from grasshopper damage. This week only the edges facing south of the row were very damaged. The very damaged leaves get picked and fed to the chickens. The grasshopper damage has been extensive and it creates lots of loss and labor.

I loaded harvest baskets into truckie to take into the greenhouse to start processing.

Marion was in there washing the chard already collected and picking out the nicest leaves for the private chefs in aspen that farm runners supply. I helped her wash and bunch the rest of the chard and collards for the farm runner’s order.

Then at 10 am we took a snack and coffee break to uplift our energy. After the break Marion and I harvested Kolrahbi. Then at around 11am I headed back to the house to cook lunch for everyone. I made an egg salad as we are always drowning in eggs from the chickens on the farm. The sauce for the salad was made out of tahni, apple cider vinegar, dill, basil, green onions, water, cumin, salt, and pepper. I also made collards that were stuffed with red lentils and rice. Additionally I made tortias to eat the egg salad with.

Then during our break we tidyed up the house as we did not get to our chores on the schedualed friday afternoon. After chores, we headed to the greenhouse to make and bottle our homemade fermented hot sauce. Usally on monday afternoons we head back into the field to finishes harvesting or planting but since it has been raining for the past couple of days, (it hailed yestereday), it is too muddy to be in the field and we risk compacting the soil . Instead we processed hot sauces! Last season so many hot peppers grew that the farm could not sell them all so Jeff froze a majority of the peppers. In october and December of 2023 lots of the peppers were mashed and left in buckets to ferment. Today we took a look at the fermenting peppers, took the mold or yeast off the top and blended them, and put them back in the buckets to ferment some more.

Monday night there was a lightning storm like nothing I had ever heard of seen before.