As I sat down this morning to write up my self evaluation for this fall quarter, I happened to glance upon the collage I had created during a meet-up with a bunch of fellow Immersion students. It was my first collage in many months, lovingly crafted from pictures and words my heart had prompted me to cut out as I flipped through a bunch of magazines. I didn’t realize as I snipped out these clippings that I was creating a self reflection of my experience in the Immersion so far, combined with a vision board for how I wish the rest of my experience to unfold.
The golden creature within the center of the collage represents myself. A silly being, half-human, half-animal. I am connecting with myself as a human but also with myself as an animal. I am a piece within the natural world rather than a disconnected part.
My eyes seem to be drawn to the upper left corner as I observe this piece. A path in front of me, an unknown destination around the bend, and beautiful views to be observed along the way. I don’t think this golden creature cares where they might end up, everything they have witnessed so far has been beautiful and meaningful beyond words. The journey is truly more important than the destination.
Circling clockwise, a raging, red-hot fire. A symbol for passion, a newfound love for coals and flames, a draw to hands-on skills and building and creating. The word “Always” formed from bundles of dried grass and lower down, a flower opening its pink petals up to the world. An ongoing love of plants and the draw to dig deeper and learn more with and through them.
Feet kicked in the air! A child hoola-hooping in the grass! Reconnecting with my inner child and embracing them, allowing them the space they need to grow and heal and be.
Wings, a bird in flight. Opening up to new opportunities, new people, new challenges, and blossoming in the process. Taking flight, falling in love every day again and again and again. Feeding off of the exhileration of flying, but also knowing when it is time to rest in my little wren nest.
Trees. Leaves. Have I hammered home that I love my photosynthesizing friends yet?
The phrase “Lose (and Find).” The emphasis on the loss, the found simply a side effect tucked between parentheses. Outside of it all, I am deeply lost but through this program, I am allowed to be found. Losing, letting go, stripping myself of past expectation, worry, trauma, heartbreak, and rewriting the narrative of my story in a more appealing font. Losing myself in nature, allowing myself to be lost in nature. Allowing myself to just be lost, to live in the unknown.
Lastly, the collage as a whole. The color palette, featuring shades of brown, gray, and cream with pops of golden warmth and red richness. Everything has depth. Looks the way a wool blanket feels; there’s comfort between the pops of bold color. Reminds me of storytelling around a campfire in the middle of the woods, comfortable but also full of mystery and wonder and maybe a few nerves as to what’s out in the dark. I am surrounded by warmth and comfort within the Immersion, which has created a safety net for me to fall back upon as I push edges and dig deeper into nature and into myself.
Thanks for supporting me on this journey thus far.