Fear

Content Warning: At the end of this post there is an image depicting a rope tied in what appears to be a noose.

My plans for this quarter have been dashed by COVID-19. I hoped to work in schools to gain a deeper understanding of mental health issues within the classroom and school system as a whole. Instead, I’ve spent a lot of time intrenched in my own mental health issues in response to the pandemic and quarantine. I sought out resources to soothe my mind and spent some time reflecting on fear. 

“In my mind there are sort of two aspects to the experience of fear. There is the story we tell ourselves about everything that is happening…We imagine all of the horrible things that will happen and that is just our brain spinning out. Then there is the actual sensation or feeling of fear, the physical, bodily sensations of fear.”
-Danielle LeSusa

In a podcast hosted by Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC, LeSusa goes on to point out that these physical bodily sensations are often uncomfortable, so we try to escape them by creating a narrative about what is happening. This is our evolutionary fight or flight response kicking in. We feel a sensation in our bodies, we want to make meaning out of it, so we tell ourselves a story. The story often doesn’t bring relief because we tend to envision the worst-case scenario or seek out more information, which prompts further physical distress and a vicious cycle is born. “It is akin to throwing tinder on a fire in an effort to extinguish it.” LeSusa says. 

What, then, can we do with our fear? LeSusa suggest a meditation of sorts in which we create a container, say 15 minutes, a dedicated time to “feel the feeling.” She encourages listeners to focus on physical sensations rather than the stories. Speaking of her own experience in this meditative practice, she describes the intensity of merging with the fear, letting it all the way in. She states “You have to tell yourself that these feelings are part of what it is to be alive.” Continuing to draw parallels to other experiences such as a first date, going down a roller coaster or seeing a scary movie helps to illuminate that the physical sensation of fear is something we often seek out. It is a part of being human.

This concept of “leaning in” to discomfort isn’t new to me. It occurs to me that it takes a certain level of awareness and skill to turn inward, especially when in pain or discomfort. My mind inevitably turns to children and I am struck by new questions: 

  • Are we teaching children to turn inward? 
  • What happens if they do, what will they find there?
  • Do children have the capacity to meditate? Should they? 
  • What causes fear in children?
  • What happens in the brain and the body when children feel afraid?
On a walk recently, I saw this display. My pulse quickened, a pit grew in my stomach. My immediate reaction was fear. I questioned this response. What about these objects caused that feeling? Was it based on a deep instinct for survival or a set of associations?

Citation:
LeSusa, Danielle. “Moral responsibility and how to mange fear about COVID-19”. Say More About That. Podcast Audio, March 22, 2020. https://www.therapyden.com/blog/say-more-about-that-episode-54-1