Is Food the New Sex? A Curious Reversal in Moralizing by Mary Eberstadt (2009)
“What happens when, for the first time in history, adult human beings are free to have all the sex and food they want? Philosophers and artists aside, ordinary language itself verifies how similarly the two appetites are experienced, with many of the same words crossing over to describe what is desirable and undesirable in each case. In fact, we sometimes have trouble even talking about food without metaphorically invoking sex, and vice versa. In a hundred entangled ways, judging by either language or literature, the human mind juggles sex and food almost interchangeably at times. And why not? Both desires can make people do things they otherwise would not, and both are experienced at different times by most men and women as the most powerful of all human drives.” (p.1)
I enjoyed exploring motivation in this section, the idea that both food and sex will drive someone to act in a way they otherwise wouldn’t and risk the societal consequences that come with overindulgence of either. Whether it be our personal views on weight and beauty, or the pack psychology that dictates popularity and social standing, stepping too far out of bounds will change the way others view us.
The entanglement of language and metaphors when discussing food is also an interesting point. I have already written about some examples of this, such as a virgins cherry, or a woman’s peach, but many can be more commonly used in the kitchen. My favorite instance of this is the still popular recipe originating from the 1970’s known as “Better Than Sex Cake” comprising of rich chocolate devils food cake, whipped cream, and caramel drizzle. If we turn to the world of cocktails, you can find a variation of the well known “Sex on the beach” that intergrates every climate and landscape. We already have a practice of sexualizing our foods, what is it that links these innuendos?
When I look at the foods discussed most this quarter, chocolates, grapes, pomegranets, apples, whole chickens, figs and fig leaves, saffron, cinnimon, spiced wine, and liquor, I see richness and indulgence. I see expensive, desirable foods that mirror the richness and indulgence we experience through sex. We have selected foods that seem sexy because they parallel our sexual partners in our attraction and pleasure respons.
“Begin with a tour of Betty’s kitchen. Much of what she makes comes from jars and cans. Much of it is also heavy on substances that people of our time are told to minimize — dairy products, red meat, refined sugars and ours — because of compelling research about nutrition that occurred after Betty’s time. Betty’s freezer is filled with meat every four months by a visiting company that specializes in volume, and on most nights she thaws a piece of this and accompanies it with food from one or two jars. If there is anything “fresh” on the plate, it is likely a potato. Interestingly, and rudimentary to our contemporary eyes though it may be, Betty’s food is served with what for us would appear to be high ceremony, i.e., at a set table with family members present.” (p.4)
“Now imagine one possible counterpart to Betty today, her 30-year-old granddaughter Jennifer. Jennifer has almost no cans or jars in her cupboard. She has no children or husband or live-in boyfriend either, which is why her kitchen table on most nights features a laptop and goes unset. Yet interestingly enough, despite the lack of ceremony at the table, Jennifer pays far more attention to food, and feels far more strongly in her convictions about it, than anyone she knows from Betty’s time. Wavering in and out of vegetarianism, Jennifer is adamantly opposed to eating red meat or endangered sh. She is also opposed to industrialized breeding, genetically enhanced fruits and vegetables, and to pesticides and other artificial agents. She tries to minimize her dairy intake, and cooks tofu as much as possible. She also buys “organic” in the belief that it is better both for her and for the animals raised in that way, even though the products are markedly more expensive than those from the local grocery store.” (p.5)
“Most important of all, however, is the difference in moral attitude separating Betty and Jennifer on the matter of food. Jennifer feels that there is a right and wrong about these options that transcends her exercise of choice as a consumer. She does not exactly condemn those who believe otherwise, but she doesn’t understand why they do, either. And she certainly thinks the world would be a better place if more people evaluated their food choices as she does. She even proselytizes on occasion when she can.” (p.5)
Compare the two generational kitchens. How do we look at the moral aspects of our diet? While sex was the taboo subject that intrigued and divided us only a few decades ago, food is now the hot-button topic of morality, with arguments of animal rights and climate preservation among a few causes fought through eating habits. While Jennifers kitchen may be more common in 2024, there has been a recent resurgence of homesteading or similar lifestyle changes, with more young people looking to revive traditions and techniques from their ancestors. I would also argue that since this paper was written in 2009, young people are also looking towards Betty’s kitchen to survive an economy that has inflated food costs but decreased wages.
“Up until just about now, for example, the prime brakes on sex outside of marriage have been several: fear of pregnancy, fear of social stigma and punishment, and fear of disease. The Pill and its cousins have substantially undermined the first two strictures, at least in theory, while modern medicine has largely erased the third. Even HIV/aids, only a decade ago a stunning exception to the brand new rule that one could apparently have any kind of sex at all without serious consequence, is now regarded as a “manageable” disease in the affluent West, even as it continues to kill millions of less fortunate patients elsewhere.
As for food, here too one technological revolution after another explains the extraordinary change in its availability: pesticides, mechanized farming, economic transportation, genetic manipulation of food stocks, and other advances. As a result, almost everyone in the Western world is now able to buy sustenance of all kinds, for very little money, and in quantities unimaginable until the lifetimes of the people reading this.” (p.2-3)
“Most important of all, however, is the difference in moral attitude separating Betty and Jennifer on the matter of food. Jennifer feels that there is a right and wrong about these options that transcend her exercise of choice as a consumer. She does not exactly condemn those who believe otherwise, but she doesn’t understand why they do, either. And she certainly thinks the world would be a better place if more people evaluated their food choices as she does. She even proselytizes on occasion when she can.” (p.5)
What happens when we have more access to food than ever? What happens when food has reached such a level of technology and evolution? We can get any food we want pretty much anytime, as long as it can be refrigerated, frozen, freeze-dried, or in some other way preserved it can make its way to your grocery store or doorstep. In the United States we do not have a food production problem, our problem is one of access and distribution. Gone are the days of scarcity, with near-unlimited access to the produce of the world we are free to consume as much as we can afford, and what we cannot afford is then considered trash rather than excess.
“Pornography is the single most viewed subject online, by men anyway; it is increasingly a significant factor in divorce cases; and it is resulting in any number of cottage industries, from the fields of therapy to law to academia, as society’s leading cultural institutions strive to measure and cope with its impact.
This junk sex shares all the defining features of junk food. It is produced and consumed by people who do not know one another. It is disdained by those who believe they have access to more authentic experiences or “healthier” options. Internet pornography is further widely said — right now, in its relatively early years — to be harmless, much as few people thought little of the ills to come through convenient prepared food when it rst appeared; and evidence is also beginning to emerge about compulsive pornography consumption, as it did slowly but surely in the case of compulsive packaged food consumption, that this laissez-faire judgment is wrong.” (p.13)
What happens when we have more access to sex than ever? In measures of safety and medium? We do not have to fear pregnancy or disease anywhere near as much as we used to (although recent political movements may change this), and we now have access to sexual partners and pornography through endless mediums, photos, videos, and written erotica, phone sex, chatrooms, and the rise of AI has potential to bring new formats in the near future. But does overindulgence in sex both as a topic of conversation and an activity decrease the pleasure it brings us? Is lust the wanting or the getting?
A Confession by Czeslaw Milosz
“My Lord, I loved strawberry jam
And the dark sweetness of a woman’s body.
Also well-chilled vodka, herring in olive oil,
Scents, of cinnamon, of cloves.
So what kind of prophet am I? Why should the spirit
Have visited such a man?”
His human desires intertwine lust and gluttony, all-natural and yet ungodly in his eyes. He is devoted to this all-powerful being yet he still has these attractions to the forbidden.
“How I empty glasses, throw myself on food,
And glance greedily at the waitress’s neck.
Flawed and aware of it.”
This represents the same idea of the first highlighted paragraph but the tone seems more tender, the reference to the smashed glass followed by the waitress’s neck has a delicate feeling that yerns to be allowed to have these things he wants after, like he’s seeking permission.
“A feast of brief hopes, a rally of the proud,”
A feast of hopes, consuming dreams without being held back.
Figs by D.H Lawrence
“But the vulgar way Is just to put your mouth to the crack, and take out the flesh in one bite.”
I mean this whole poem is an innuendo, but these two lines are so cheeky and visual.
“The Italians vulgarly say, it stands for the female part; the fig-fruit: The fissure, the yoni, The wonderful moist conductivity towards the centre.
Involved, Inturned, The flowering all inward and womb-fibrilled; And but one orifice.”
While the fig is the representation of the vagina in this poem, the author also uses classic imagery of a flower to describe the subject. Fruit and fertility have some fun connections in a variety of works, the first thing that came to mind was my readings on Dionysus.
“That’s how the fig dies, showing her crimson through the purple slit Like a wound, the exposure of her secret, on the open day. Like a prostitute, the bursten fig, making a show of her secret.
That’s how women die too.”
A darker take on the idea of women as fruit, showing the more violent aspect of womanhood
“When Eve once knew in her mind that she was naked She quickly sewed fig-leaves, and sewed the same for the man. She’d been naked all her days before, But till then, till that apple of knowledge, she hadn’t had the fact on her mind.
She got the fact on her mind, and quickly sewed fig-leaves. And women have been sewing ever since. But now they stitch to adorn the bursten fig, not to cover it. They have their nakedness more than ever on their mind, And they won’t let us forget it.”
Religious callback to the fig leaves, what was the original sin?
And a little scrap of my own work to end the week 🙂